R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
