how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
