How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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