You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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