Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
