when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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