I just cut my nipple shaving
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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