On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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