The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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