My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
