Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
