the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
