oh god the rape fog is back!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
