I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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