OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
