she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
