you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
