my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
