DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
