spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
