everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
