Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
