absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
