How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
