he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
