im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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