It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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