sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
