So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
