im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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