Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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