Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
