I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
