remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
