That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
