"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
