You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
