I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
