I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
