Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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