Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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