Your mouth is God's brothel.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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