Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
