batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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