So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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