I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
