What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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