I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
