I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
