my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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