after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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