Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My vagina just clenched in fear
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
