why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
why do cheetos always look like penises
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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