I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize