i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
