Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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