no one should ever give us hovercrafts
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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