I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
