i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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