oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
