He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
