He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
