You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize