So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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