I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
