Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
