I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
