If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
