Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
