you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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