i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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