I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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