I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
